Personal Relationships Magic

Problems with Personal Relationships and Possible Solutions

Personal relationships are not always easy to deal with, and possible solutions may be hard to find. Relationships affect every aspect of your life. The way relationships are pursued can have a profound impact on you and your future happiness.

Good Relationships

Good relationships have common traits. What makes a good relationship? There is no absolute answer to that, and whether a relationship is good or bad can depend mostly on the individuals involved. Here are two of the major elements of a good relationship:

1.  Trust and Honesty.  Good relationships are almost always based on trust:  if one partner cannot trust the other then it is probable that the relationship will fail. You should trust your partner and trust him or her to tell you the truth when a question is asked. Without trust, a relationship will have a short future. If partners are not honest with each other, a breakup will be certain.  Many relationship issues arise from lack of trust.

2.  Acceptance.  Each partner should accept the other for what they are. You cannot change people, trying to can lead to grief and disappointment. Most marital problems, if not financial, are caused by a lack of trust and a lack of acceptance.  Relationship issues are easier resolved if partners trust and accept each other.

Bad Relationships

Bad relationships usually start off good, but something goes wrong and the couple is unable to resolve their differences.  However, rather than separating they continue in the relationship, and sometimes they do not realize their relationship is a bad one. Here again are two factors that make a relationship bad.

1.  Abuse.  Abuse can be mental or physical.  Even domination of one partner by the other is a form of abuse. Criticism, coercion and disrespect are all forms of abuse.

2.  Selfishness. This can be evidenced in many ways, including possessiveness, and failure to regard your partner as an equal.

These are the two major reasons, but jealousy could be another. Now, why do couples break up?  The above are obvious reasons, but there are others.

Breaking Up

1.  Infidelity. This is the main reason for a relationship breaking up.  People are unfaithful for any number of reasons:  their partners fail to satisfy them, lust or boredom can also be a factor. Even if they do decide to give it another try, trust is rarely regained.

2.  Boredom. The sparkle has gone. The excitement has left the relationship, there is no more love. If this happens before the couple have been together long enough to develop a lasting feeling for each other, then the relationship will generally break up.

Most terminal marital problems are due to boredom, unfaithfulness, abuse or selfishness.  However, these can be resolved if both couples are willing to work at it. Here are possible ways that a relationship can be rebuilt. ‘Possible’ is used deliberately, because no amount of advice can repair a relationship if neither party is prepared to forgive.

Repairing the Relationship

1.  Try to analyze what happened.  Think about who was responsible. If it was your partner don’t blame yourself, but think of any mitigating factors and if you perhaps contributed at all. At this stage you are not seeking excuses for you or your partner, but to genuinely find reasons. Do this in peace and quietness since it is an important part of trying to understand what has happened to you, and why it happened.

2.  Forgive.  Forgiveness is crucial since if either of you use it as a weapon at a later date your relationship has ended for good. That’s why it is important to decide if you genuinely want to continue or not.

3.  Talk to your partner.  Do you both want to start again? If the problem was infidelity, asking your partner to end it in front of you might not help, because it shows a lack of trust on your part.  By now you are beginning to understand this is not easy. Repairing a relationship is no stroll in the park, hence steps 1 - 2. If you get past these you have a chance.

To repair a relationship you must both be willing. You must be willing to talk about why it was damaged. Trust has to be rebuilt, and respect earned all over again. If you can do that, and also forgive whatever it was that caused the problem, then you and your partner can have a chance for getting back together.  See Magic Of Making Up (Blogroll)

Author:  GB Garagnon  2008